I want to get better. I want to give in. I want to hoard all the feelings I’ve ever had and keep them safely hidden. I want to make good art. I want to make bad art. I want to finish school and prove all those motherfuckers that treatment and school are not only enemies. I want to cut my hair, my skin, my face. I want your name white-line scarred into my skin. I want to grow. I want to give in to every burst of happiness that I experience. I want to let go of the things that hold me back. I want to believe that that’s possible. I want the fear to go away. I want the hope. I want to become a bit more who I want to be. I want to be kind. I want to be loving. I want to be caring. I want you to know that I love you. And I want it to not hurt. I want to feel safe. I want to scream. I want my therapist to fix me and I want it now. I want to not need her. I want to not need fixing. I want to be happier. I want the anxiety to go away. I want to not want anything anymore. I want to stop needing things, to not be vulnerable or dependent. I want to stop caring. I want you to know that wanting things is all that keeps me here sometimes. Whether I want more or less, it’s always something to go for. And I want. I want to die and not be afraid of it. I want to live and not be afraid of it. And I want to feel SAFE*. I WANT…. I WANT PEACE.. -B.
In High School Musical 2 Sharpay very clearly states that they have “…Iced tea imported from England, life guards imported from Spain, towels imported from Turkey, and turkey imported from Maine.” In order to import an item, it must come from another country. The series is set in Albequerque, New Mexico, and as New Mexico and Maine are both part of the United States Of America, they cannot have their turkey imported from Maine. As most of the characters are white, and all speak English, this clearly indicates that High School Musical takes place in an alternate universe where a second Civil War has split the nation and New Mexico is no longer part of the Union, based on the fact that we never see the characters celebrate the Fourth of July. In this essay I will
and this is a sincere fuck you to everyone who doesn’t take people with eds seriously when they can’t do the same things as healthy people.
sometimes you can’t make it to class on time because you can’t get up the stairs fast enough. or you can’t get assignments in on time because you’re exhausted and everything hurts. you’re sleeping the days away, not because you’re lazy or unmotivated, but because your body is too weak and you are in too much pain to do anything else. and then teachers yell at you for falling asleep in class every day. because it’s disrespectful, and you must obviously not care about learning. your grades must be slipping because you stay up all night on your phone - not because it makes you dizzy and nauseous just to stand up, and it takes ten minutes just to drag yourself out of bed in the morning (it takes even longer to get dressed, and you have to stop at least three times to lean over the counter and catch your breath). and then you get yelled at again for not being ready on time.
the point?stop undermining and brushing off the physical symptoms of eating disorders. eds are chronic problems, and not everyone is ready for treatment, can afford it, or has the mental or physical ability required to endure it. assuming that “anyone can get better, right now” is pretty fucking ableist as well as generally shitty.
